Make More Shitty Things

Poor human. Are you sad because the thing you made isn’t as fabulous as you thought it would turn out? 

Is it lumpy or awkward or clunky or bland instead of precise and whimsical and stylish and vivid? 

When you show your friends, do they say things like “Neat, so are we on for brunch?” Or “I like the colors, are you still working on it?” Or “I didn’t finish reading it, I got distracted, but I swear I’ll finish it soon!”

SO ANNOYING. They were supposed to say, “OH MY FUCKING GOD I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE IT’S THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. PLEASE TAKE SOME MONEY FOR IT I’VE ALREADY SHARED IT TO ALL MY FOLLOWERS AND MY MOM.”

Right? And instead the feeling you get is that they want to support you but found your creation … less than compelling. And all you can conclude that your set-the-world-on-fire-with-its-perfection creation turned out kind of … shitty. Oof.

Well, human, you know what to do. Don’t you? 

NO, it’s not drown yourself in a bottle of white-labeled brand-of-the-second vodka you saw on TikTok. NO, it’s not to pee on your suitcase (that’s my job, when I am mad at you).

It’s this: make more shitty things.

You’re being too precious about this. The cramazeballs idea in your head didn’t turn out perfectly, but that’s okay. You can revise. Edit. Start it over from scratch, taking all your lessons from this attempt on board. Or just move on! 

You’ll have more ideas. Make them! Share them! Make so many shitty things that one day you realize: hey, that one wasn’t so bad. Eventually, people will start raving about your work the way that they’re supposed to.

Practice is good. Practice is hard, especially when you want your creations to be AMAZING RIGHT NOW. I make hairballs for you often, and I think I’ve gotten really great at it, but so far you just wrinkle your nose in disgust and pick them up with a tissue and throw them in the trash. That’s okay. I’ll keep trying.

Your friends know that YOU are amazing. Your creation is not you. Your creation is an imperfect realization of the perfect idea in your head, and you’ll get better with practice. The only way to make some non-shitty things is to make more shitty things. I think that’s what you humans call a paradox, right? 

So let’s practice some more. Get to work, human, I want to see what you make next! 

I’ll keep working on that perfect hairball. One day you’ll want to frame it.

Stop Doubting Yourself, Human

You’re doubting yourself again, I can tell by the look on your face. 

You are second-guessing yourself, you are worrying about how you’ll juggle it all, or if you bit off more than you can chew, or if you are going to give up in two weeks and why not save yourself the hassle and give up now?

Stop that, human! Stop that right meow!

You’ve got this. 

You are capable, you are determined, you are persistent. 

Maybe you bit off more than you can chew. Yep: that’s called a challenge. If it were easy, you wouldn’t label it a challenge in your silly wordy language, would you? 

I don’t want to hear doubt. You are what you practice, so practice belief. 

If you’re delusional and this will never work, who gives a litter-covered turd? You’ll find out later, and you’ll laugh about it when you’re old. Unlike the other humans in your old-human home, you’ll be able to say you tried. You won’t wonder what-if. 

So get your hairless human butt in gear and go get that dream. And stop doubting yourself right meow!

You Can Do It, Human!

Look, human, I hang around you a lot (and I hide under your bed even more). If there's anyone who knows you, its me. And I know a few things in particular:

• You are trying.
• Life is hard.
• More treats are better.

Whatever you're working towards, I know you can do it, human!